Green Jello Hotdish

Any Other World
by Mika

In any other world, you could tell the difference
And let it all unfurl into broken remnants

Smile like you mean it
And let yourself let go

‘Cause its all in the hands of a bitter, bitter man
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in
Take a bow, play the part of a lonely, lonely heart
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in
To the world you thought you lived in

I tried to live alone but lonely is so lonely, alone
So human as I am I had to give up my defenses

So I smiled and tried to mean it
To make myself let go

‘Cause its all in the hands of a bitter, bitter man
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in
Take a bow, play the part of a lonely, lonely heart
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in
To the world you thought you lived in

In any other world
You could tell the difference

I’m getting ready to leave now to go to a place I cherish. If you had asked me six months ago, I would have called that place home, but that’s not an accurate description now. If you had asked me a year ago, I would have told you I thought of moving back there, but now even a short weekend visit is too draining and hard.

While I’m there I’ll visit a group of people that are important to me. If you had asked me six months ago, I would have called that group family. Two weeks ago I would call them by name. Last week I called them the family I was born into. Family shouldn’t be this challenging, this defensive.

There is a group of people that means the world to me, a group that defies the name “family,” simply because we are unrelated. This group is challenging in different ways, but never defensive.

Yet in this circumstance, I must act alone. At the end of the day I am alone in this world. I cannot — and maybe should not — have anyone else but myself, have any place but where I presently am. I do not act on behalf of anyone else nor anyplace else. I act on my own, for myself.

They say the most challenging place for acceptance is a young man’s hometown; I’d amend that to also include his birth family.

But what about descriptions? There is no adequate description for what I’m feeling right now. There is no adequate description for where I am right now. There is no adequate description for the most important people in my life right now.

The biggest day of my life before now was the day I left for college, the day I left this nameless place and group. Now that chapter ends, as the reason I left is the same reason I return now. Tomorrow I will try to come up with yet more descriptions for things in my life. I will look through that world with different lenses. The world of my childhood will finally fade into memory. Just like doors closed behind me as I left in 2003, so now are doors closing behind me in 2007.

This article is so bad, yet sooooo funny.

“You say on your form that you’re not a fan of homosexuals,” Nickerson said.

“That I’m a racist,” Ellis interrupted.

“I’m frequently found to be a liar, too. I can’t really help it,” Ellis added.

“I’m sorry?” Nickerson said.

“I said I’m frequently found to be a liar,” Ellis replied.

“So, are you lying to me now?” Nickerson asked.

“Well, I don’t know. I might be,” was the response.

Ellis then admitted he really didn’t want to serve on a jury.

“I have the distinct impression that you’re intentionally trying to avoid jury service,” Nickerson said.

“That’s true,” Ellis answered.

So being a racist, homophobic liar may not quite get you out of jury duty so much as it will get you charged with contempt.

Alright… the trip was a blast. Grand tally shows we hit (in order): Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, Vermont, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Connecticut, New York, New Jersey, Delaware, Pennsylvania, Delaware, Maryland, District of Columbia, Maryland, West Virginia, Ohio, Indiana and then back home. Major points we visited: Williamstown, Mass., Boston, Liberty State Park in Jersey City, Philadelphia, Washington, and Wheeling, W. Va.

We walked through the Freedom Trail in Boston, which was actually quite exciting. I want to go back and walk it again two more times, framing each in two different minds: that of religious activity and that of political activity. It was really exciting to see the birthplace of so many American religious movements and see the inherent connection they have with the American dream and political life — a connection so very different than what is shown in contemporary political circles, and one eschewed by modern liberal politicos.

Ate some great food in Boston. Saturday night we hit up a liquor store and had a great evening. We ended up sitting outside until about 3 a.m. having deep conversation. It was great!

Sunday we drove down the coast, stopping for a while in Jersey and Philly. As always, loved loved LOVED Philly. (Got cheesesteaks. Yum!) Got into D.C. and our hotel about 1 a.m. We were getting a little punchy by this point, so it was good to get a solid night’s sleep.

Monday we toured the Capitol building with Rob, which was fun but the tour is all visitor stuff. You don’t get to see the government at work. Not unexpected, but still a little disappointing. Then started the great drive back… stopped in Wheeling, West Virginia. Let me tell you: I need to give West Virginia a little more of a chance in the future. It’s some pretty country, and the people are quite nice. Finally got back to my apartment at 5 a.m. on Tuesday morning — as the sun was coming up — and promptly lost the last two days to recuperation.

The three of us played any number of fun car games, like who we’d like to have dinner with and what historical period we’d most like to visit. Chris and Bryan would have their mid-expressway playful fistfights, which was always exciting to watch the expressions of passing drivers — or freak out that my seats were going to break. It’s always fun to watch the Odd Couple.

Bryan and I were talking quite a bit on the way back about life after college, which prompted me to really reflect on the past year. Some days I feel like I’m barely treading water, violently missing the community around me. Other days I feel complete euphoria like I can make it anywhere by myself. Most days I realize I’m really in the middle of those two extreme, as is best one can expect and really what I’ve found to be routine life for most people.

Of course, once again, traveling has made me even more bitter toward Milwaukee. I came back to recognize everything that doesn’t excite me, doesn’t thrill me, doesn’t draw me to this place. It’s good to be going to Minnesota this next weekend, I think, if not for the purpose of getting me back to my normal tolerance of Milwaukee.

Great trip, great people, great experience.

Here’s an update from when we left Boston. (Apparently one needs a cord to put video on my laptop. Who knew.) I’m working on the photos from the trip and will post those with a full update tonight or tomorrow.

Boston is quite cool. We went walking on the Freedom Trail today, which was quite exciting. I probably annoyed these kids with my dorky architectural and historical habits, but it was really fun nonetheless.

Actually, no, that is a lie. It was fun until the monument at Bunker Hill. 294 stairs up. 294 stairs down. I was going to kill a baby. At a minimum, Smalls, Bryan and Bill were going to die. My knees almost gave out, and I really hadn’t planned on a case of vertigo for the trip. I didn’t even get to look outside because I needed to collapse on a bench at the top and then fall on the ground when we got down again.

The T, Boston’s mass transit system, is very efficient, clean and almost user-friendly. The only thing I don’t like is signaling for stops on the train. Yes, that’s right, it’s more of a streetcar than a train. In regards to tourism, that is confusing the train would not stop at every station. But that’s the only drawback; everything else is great.

Of course, New England is absolutely beautiful. The rolling hills, colonial architecture and good food is exactly what I thought of this area. As far as the people go, they’re exactly as I thought, too — distant, not too horribly friendly, very compartmentalized and not “Midwestern.” I couldn’t live out here long-term, but I will definitely be coming back.

So I’m heading to Boston today, with Bryan and Chris. Yesterday when I was in Kenosha, Chris wanted another driving lesson, so I stopped by. As we were waiting for him to get ready, Bryan and I started talking about final logistics for the trip, when Janine interrupted us. I may not have exact quotes here, but the conversation went something like this:

B: “So you have to drop me off at home first, then go to Chris’ because I’m going to drive my car back to Kenosha.”
D: “OK, but why would I go to your place first?”
C: “Because (Bryan’s hometown) is on the way to (Chris’ hometown), otherwise you’d have to backtrack.”
J: “Wait a minute, couldn’t you all just figure out these logistics while you’re on the road for 18 hours?”
B: “No, we have to figure it out all now because that’s deep conversation time.”

I don’t know what deep conversations we’ll have on this trip, but one thing’s for sure: Bryan and I are both deep conversationalists and Chris doesn’t have feelings. This could be interesting. (I’m also looking forward to potential deep bedtime conversations with Bill once we get to Boston, just like we used to have when we were roommates in the Quad!) Like always, watch here for updates.

Note: I had a great Fourth of July yesterday with some of my favorite people. Many (and I mean MANY) pictures were taken, and I’m going to get those online. If I can, I’ll post them before I leave. Otherwise, look for them when I get back from out east.

Edit: the pictures are here.

The alarm system in the building is fubared. It just beeps and beeps and beeps and cannot be silenced. Apparently if I rip the command box out of the wall, bad things happen, so I haven’t done that yet. I’m just holed up in my office with my door closed and the radio louder than normal. It’s getting stuffy in here. This isn’t a good omen for the rest of the day.

I baked cookies and rearranged a little bit. Look for yourself!

Hey, Web developers, could you come up with a way to work around the fact that most users have popup blockers now and, you know, annoy them even more with sticky ads and obnoxious flash modules that take up the entire screen when I’m just looking to get an address from an event listing? That would be great.