Storm clouds gathering
If chaos theory is true (which I believe it to be), then I think the reverse must also be true: in what appears to be order and beauty, there exists completely unintelligible, inexplicable chaos.
Life is a mess, but people wouldn’t know that looking at me. A soul searching road trip is absolutely a necessity at this point. Defining my own goals is a pipe dream — I don’t even know what I should venture, or what I need to wager in return.
I spent $200 yesterday, when I thought I’d only spend $100. The ADD is out of control. I can’t focus on a single thing for longer than 10-15 minutes at a time. I have so many balls in the air, I don’t remember what I was doing when I threw each of them up there. Without Tylenol PM, I wouldn’t get an uninterrupted night’s sleep. The twin curses of anxiety and depression are circling around me.
I search for approval, for validation
For the proof that I am alive
I’m looking in all the wrong places
But where I crave them the most
There is where I will never find
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Daniel Ross-Jones serves as Minister for Youth & Young Adults at First Congregational Church of Palo Alto, United Church of Christ. Living in the San Francisco Bay Area for a time still measured in months, he is frequently getting lost and discovering treasures of a landscape very different from his Upper Midwestern roots. Green Jello Hotdish is a blog exploring the intersections of his days. 
